The marauders' story by the marauders
by older and ashamed
Summary: the marauders have gotten their hands on my computer! RUN FOR THE HILLS! T for some swears, nothing more, i swear! wormtail doesn't feature much. i was bored! ...writer's block & lack of time...
1. RUN FOR THE HILLS!

_**Disclaimer: We, that is to say, the marauders, have never heard of this JK Rowling person, and would like to add that she will not be exempt from any pranks we may play in the future. We would also like to thank Silkscale (who, though she may be a snake, is actually a GRYFFINDOR and therefore ROCKS, although she is also not exempt from any pranks we may play in the future!) for the use of her computer!**_

**

* * *

**

**HA-HA-HAAAAA! I, Sirius Black, aged either 15 or 104 (guess, go on, guess! You'll never guess!) have gotten my filthy paws on the internet! BEWARE MUGGLES! maniacal laughter I will now annoy the entire world by writing an annoying story about—**

NOOOOOOOOOO!

Prongs, keep him AWAY from the computer! Right, now then, a story….okay, here goes…

_

* * *

_

_"No!" she cried after his retreating figure "Wait! I've changed my mind!"_

_"James I_ do_ love you after all, now hurry up and kiss me!"_

_He grinned, and kissed her so well that she fainted._

"_Marry me, Evans!" he asked brightly when she came round, pulling a solid gold, diamond-encrusted ring out of his pocket._

_"Okay!"_

_And they lived happily ever aft—_

* * *

PRONGS, GET OFF THE BLOODY COMPUTER! WE ARE **NOT **WRITING A FANTASY STORY ABOUT YOU AND LILY EVANS! 

Well who says it's fantasy, huh Moony? I _do_ take divination, after all!

Grow up, prongs, Lily hates your guts.

She doesn't have to like my _guts_, just so long as she likes my kissing...

(sighs) (looks skyward) Why me! Why must _I _be surrounded by idiots!

**That hurt, Moony!**

Accurate though.

**True.**

Okay then, on with the story…_

* * *

_

_He kept walking, disappearing into the thick white blanket of mist. He hadn't heard. She had to catch him!_

_"Wait!" she called out desperately "Please wait!"_

_She ran after him. He was almost out of sight now. She sprinted round a corner and—_

_**"BAGGAWAGABULLAWALLABLEEEUGH!"**_

**_She had unwittingly wandered into the territory of a tribe of Ecky-ecky-ptangs, who are three feet high, bald, green skinned, and have long red and purple hairs growing out of their noses! _**

_**They also have absolutely no relevance whatsoever to this thoroughly boring story! **_

* * *

THEN WILL YOU _PLEASE_ GET THEM OUT OF IT! 

**_You _get them out of it!**

Fine!

_

* * *

_

_And then in a puff of smoke, the Ecky-Ecky-ptangs disappeared, leaving her wondering if it had all been a dream—_

_When in fact it was only a psychopathic teenager trying to drive the human race insane!_

_Then a large anvil appeared out of nowhere directly above Prongs' head. Then gravity took hold and the anvil dropped _onto_ Prongs' head, allowing Moony to continue the story in peace!_

**_And leaving WhatsHerName extremely confused._**

_Anyhow, the man had also disappeared, which made her very sad, and now that we're finished this chapter we can turn the computer off and Sirius can annoy someone else for a change!_

**

* * *

**

**And where does that leave her?**

SHUT UP!

**NO I WILL NOT SHUT UP!**

WHY NOT!

**BECAUSE I'M BORED AND I WANT TO ANNOY YOU!**

Okay then, here you go, I have a game.

**GOODYGOODYGOODY!**

…

…

Okaaaay………well anyhow, when I type the word "off", you turn the computer off, and when I type the word "on", you turn the computer on.

**I am insulted that you think I'd fall for that!**

Why?

**Shut up.**

Why?

**Because I said so.**

Why?

**I don't know, ask Moony!**

Why?

**Because he always knows the answers to things!**

Why?

**Because he's smart!**

Why?

**Okay Moony, let's play your game! Wormtail, the off button if you please!**

Why?

Off

Why?

Off!

Why?

**You forgot the speech marks.**

Why?

Oh for the love of—fine then! "off"

Wh—

8—8—8—8—8—8—8—8—8—8—8—8—8—8

There you have it. I-cough-_they_ will write more if/when I-cough-**_they_** feel like it.

Lotsa luv

Silkscale/Yazmari/Watteva

>:-D

ps. REVIEW! OR I WILL SET THE ECKY-ECKY-PTANGS ON YOU! **_BAGGAWAGABULLAWALLABLEEEUGH!_**


	2. It was a dark and stormy night

**_Disclaimer: ah, wattever! Oh, and I don't own "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night". That's by Janet & Allan Ahlberg, and is a really great picture book!_**

_Ok, my Mum said she couldn't figure out who was talking and when so………_Remus/Moony is plain text………**Sirius/Padfoot is bold txt………**James/Prongs is underline………_ Peter/Wormtail doesn't really feature much, so he has an introduction, and if you see plain italics it's either me, or Moony writing in the story, **if you see bold italics, it's Padfoot writing the story, **and this is Prongs writing the story, ok?_

---

_Okay, I am REALLY to the power of 900,0000,000,487 BORED! So I think the marauders can appear in a puff of purple smoke and relieve the monotony._

_-PUFF-_

**Where did all that smoke come from?**

And why was it necessary? We were standing just outside the door!

I think Silkscale wanted to fashion a dramatic overture to excite and astound the expectant onlookers.

**………?**

………?

-sigh- She wants to show off to the readers.

**Oh!**

Ah!

**Why didn't you say so in the first place?**

_I thought he did._

**……………………………………………………………you read too much.**

_So?_

**Nothing.**

_Good._

**What would you have done if I'd said "something"?**

_Hauled off and slugged you._

**On the computer?**

_Yes._

**Oh. Ok! Umm...How?**

_A fanfiction authoress has her ways… :-D_

Okay, she has officially freaked me out!

Me too!

**Me three!**

…………………………………………………………………..Sirius, that was really lame.

**I know.**

Good.

**What would you have said if I'd said "no it wasn't"?**

Danced the hornpipe over your dead body.

**…………Jaaames?…………heeeelp?...pleeaase?...**

Oh, shut up.

_Anyway, do you guys wanna write a story or something?_

**Sure, anything for a fan!**

_Oh, shut up._

Finally, someone who can see where I'm coming from!

_Right, so I'm gonna go visit with Lils and Am and Kit, and youse can write a story, but can't sink my boat, okay?_

O…kay…

Hey Silk, put in a good word for me with Evans?

_No._

-pouts- Why not?

_Because anyone who so much as mentions your name within 20 meters of her, finds him or herself in the hospital wing ten minutes later. That's why not._

-smirks- it's just an act!

_Sure Prongs, sure. That's why Travers in the sixth year now has cheese coming out his nostrils. Now go deflate your head before I do it for you with a pin!_

_**Wormtail: I like cheese!**_

_…………………………you need psychiatric help. Badly._

----

Okay, so maybe that wasn't the best beginning we had last time.

**I'll say!**

So now I'll try again.

-loud yawn-

Shut up.

----

_It was a dark and stormy night…_

_Which meant that Lily Evans and James Potter were taking shelter in a barn………together………with lots of hay………hint-hint………_

_And it was high up in the mountains where there weren't any barns!_

_Which meant that Lily Evans and James Potter were taking shelter in a cave………together……— _

_---_

STOP IT! THAT IS SO ANNOYING! I HAVE ALREADY TOLD YOU, THIS IS **_NOT_** GOING TO BE ONE OF YOUR **MA** RATED FANTASIES ABOUT YOU AND LILY EVANS!

-pouts- pleeeeease?

NO WAY!

-sulks-

--

_It was a dark and stormy night…_

_The rain came down in torrents…_

_There were brigands in the mountains,—_

_--_

**What are brigands?**

Robbers.

**Oh.**

--

—_and wolves, and the chief of the brigands said to—_

--

**Ooh! Me, me, pick meeeeee!**

……riiiiight……okay then….

--

—_Sirius, "I'm bored, tell us a story!"_

--

**My turn, my turn!**

-muttered- heaven help us! –louder- yes, Padfoot, you can have a turn…

MOONY, NOOO! DON'T GIVE SIRIUS THE COMPUTER!

**Too late! Ha-ha!**

--

_**Sirius scratched his head, puffed out his cheeks and said, "I don't know any stories."**_

"_**Make one up." Growled the chief.**_

"_**Yeah," said the brigands. "Begin at the beginning."**_

"_**Right'o!" Sirius said, and he paused for a moment — and began his story.**_

--

Well? Why have you stopped?

**I can't think of a story!**

Just say the first thing that comes into your head. It should be good for a laugh at least!

--

_**It was a bright and sunny day…**_

--

Whoa. Talk about a change of scene!

**Shut up Moony.**

--

_**Four teenage guys were lounging around down by the lake…**_

--

Which lake

**_A_ lake. Shut up.**

--

**_They were bored._**

_**Very bored.**_

**_REALLY to the power of 900,0000,000,487 BORED!_**

"_**What we need," said James Potter, "is for something unusual to happen"**_

_**At that moment—**_

_Sirius, with a Tarzan yell, jumped into the lake._

_**Which was—**_

_Not even remotely surprising, as everyone already knew that Sirius was crazy!_

--

**Hey! Stop invading my story!**

:-D! Revenge is sweet!

**Shut up!**

--

_**Anyway, let's start again!**_

_**It was a bright and sunny day, and three teenage guys and a monkey called Remus were lounging around down by the lake.**_

_**"Revenge is sweet!" said Sirius Black with a grin, as Remus, with a Tarzan yell jumped into the lake.**_

****--

Alright! I'll leave you alone, if you change me back into myself!

**Okay.**

--

**_Let's forget the lake, and go to a……_**

_Desert!_

_**No, not desert, dessert! (:-D! oO!!!!!**_

_Padfoot, you're a genius!_

_**Yes, but we already knew that, didn't we!**_

_No._

_**Anyway, these four guys were sitting in that-really-nice-ice-cream-place-in-Diagon-Alley-that-I've-fogotten-the-name-of!**_

**_"This is WAY better than the lake!" said Sirius Black,--_**

_--as he ate his entire triple scoop, the works ice-cream in one gulp, because he always does!_

_**"I think I could probably change James into a monkey too, if he so desires…" Sirius continued, with a meaningful look at the previous sentence.**_

**--**

How could he look at the sentence when he's IN the story?

**Watteva.**

--

_**At that moment, Lily Evans and Gen Goldie and Meg Red and Elle Roux walked by. **_

****--

Sirius, you IDIOT!

**What?**

Now James is going to—

--

_Then Lily Evans ran up to James Potter and said "James, I love you—_

_**"—because you're such a cute monkey!"**_

_­_--

Fine!

**Good!**

But!

**NO!**

Except?

**Yes, but not!**

Okay! Fine! –pouts-

……………………………huh?

**NO!**

o.O!

--

**_Anyway, just then Lily Evans and Gen Goldie and Meg Red and Elle Roux walked by._**

**_"Hey Silk, Hey Am, hey Kit." said the guys, all except Prongs, who was drooling over Evans._**

**_"Hey Guys." Said Gen "Lil's, Am, Kit and I were gonna go get our school books. Wanna come?"_**

_**"Sure." Said the guys, all except Prongs, who jumped into the air and yelled "YAAAAAAAHOOOOOO! YESYESYEEEEEES!"**_

**_The other three guys and Silkscale sighed and shook their heads hopelessly. Ambereyes and Kitty looked perplexed. Evans looked alarmed._**

**_"Ummm…Gen?" asked Evens_**

_**"Hmm?"**_

_**"Uh. Do we HAVE to bring him?"**_

_**"If I say "no" he'll put nifflers in our dorm."**_

**_"Is that a "yes" then?" asked Evens dejectedly._**

**_"Probably."_**

_**James stood there with an idiotic grin on his face! (love! eugh!)**_

**_Evans looked at him for a second then turned back to Gen. "Couldn't we just hide our valuables? Nifflers really aren't all that bad…"_**

**_"Look, Lils, all you gotta do is stand between me and Am, and then you'll be relatively safe."_**

_**Evans took a deep breath "okay, I can do this, it can't be as hard as OWLs… can it?"**_

**_"Relax Evans!" said Sirius with a grin. "We're just getting our school books! What could happen?"_**

**_­_**--

Okay, that is the most obvious line in the English language!

**What is?**

"What could happen?"! It's right up there with, "At least it can't get any worse!" and, "I'm sure it'll be fine!"

**Your point?**

-rolls eyes- never mind!

**Okay!**

-stares at Sirius for a moment, then sighs and shakes his head, at a loss for words-

--

**_And, now, just to be annoying, I'll say that that's the end of chapter 1! Tune in next time for "Chapter Two: 'What Could Happen?'"_**

_**MWOOHAHAHAHAA!**_

MWOOHAHAHAHAAA!

_**MWOOHAHAHAHAAAA!**_

****--

Scary!

I'll say!

**Be afraid, be very afraid!**

Why?

**NOOOOOOO! NOT "WHY?" AGAIN!**

Why?

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

You know, for someone whose primary goal in life is to annoy people, you get wound up pretty easily!

Yeah, you do. Why?

**-muttering to self- sfjfrjkjjdcnjdojhfhurhjahsiejnddfiunsnuhdcjskeieiijdoednjjsjjdeufjuf………**

-watches Sirius for a moment- you know, Prongs, I think he might have gone insane…

-shrugs- what else is new?

True.


End file.
